Conscious contact with God. That is what I lacked for many years. I believed in God. I knew of God, I read about God, I was told about God, but I was not in contact with God. The truth is that I was in conscious flight from God. I thought he was disappointed in me. I was ashamed to be in His presence, so I avoided Him. What a gift to realize that “God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
I ran from God and found Him waiting for me in the recovery fellowships. “God will reveal more to you and to us” (Big Book p164) Today I have a hunger to be in contact with Him, and try to follow His will.
Step 11: “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”
For me, this is part of what God has revealed:
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
What to “carry out”:
(Prayer of St Francis of Assisi) —”Lord, make me a channel of thy peace – that where there is hatred, I may bring love – that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness – that where there is discord, I may bring harmony – that where there is error, I may bring truth – that where there is doubt, I may bring faith – that where there is despair, I may bring hope – that where there are shadows, I may bring light – that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted – to understand, than to be understood – to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen.” (p. 99 12&12)