I used to relate to what I have heard many people in various fellowships speak about regarding the feeling that they have something missing spiritually. They say they feel as though they have a “hole in their gut” ; a dull ache ; a sense of being disconnected , or of not belonging. Sometimes, this is also referred to in recovery meetings as a “God Shaped Hole”, which addicts try to fill with anything and everything, but to no avail because only God can fill that hole.
The Big Book of AA refers to “an incomprehensible demoralization”, and a state of being “restless irritable and discontent”.
I am thinking that maybe this imagery is backwards. In a meeting recently, there was discussion about following our own will versus following God’s will, and the third step “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” and also step nine about making amends and restitution. We also read the source of these aspects of the recovery fellowship, Sermon on the Mount Mathew 5:23-24 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift”.
With all these thing swirling in my head, I had a realization of how following God’s will, making things right with my fellow man and offering my gift to God all fit together like a puzzle.
God is the author of all creation. From before the big bang when everything came from nothing, He reigns supreme and is the source of all things. There is nothing that is, that did not come from Him. Everything and anything I have or will ever have, is really His, I just get to enjoy some of it for awhile. No matter how things get moved around on planet earth, the ultimate owner of all things is God. There is only one notable exception to this truth, and God excluded this one thing and withholds it from Himself voluntarily, and that is our free will. The only thing I can offer to God, that He does not already have, is my will. It is my only gift that I can give to Him. In an analogy of the puzzle of all creation, each person is a piece of that puzzle, which God created and only He has designed the picture that will be revealed when all the pieces are in place. So when I get to the place of offering my gift at His alter by turning my will and life over to Him through the process or working all twelve steps, I am placing my puzzle piece into His puzzle. The hole is in His creation waiting for me to choose to fill it in. Until I do that, my puzzle piece does not make any sense, and God’s puzzle has an empty space. The meaning and purpose of my puzzle piece is only revealed in the context of the rest of the picture that the overall puzzle reveals. Set out to the side, away from the overall puzzle, it is disconnected; an uncompleted fragment of a bigger picture, His picture.
So maybe God does not fill a hole in me, but rather I choose to fill my predestined place in the puzzle of His creation. The unique space that He designed only for me. God has a plan for every mans life…to fill in their part of His puzzle. Will I do it. Jesus prayed for it to be so.
The scripture that is commonly referred to as “The Lord’s Prayer” Mathew 6:9-13, was Jesus response to His disciples questioning Him as to how they should pray. So I have often thought that this really is the disciples prayer, any disciples prayer, my prayer given to me by Jesus, which is awesome. For me, maybe the Lord’s Prayer, the greatest prayer by Jesus and from Jesus, is focused on Him praying this very thing, that we as pieces of the puzzle, find our place and fit in exactly where we belong… He could have prayed anything, but this was his prayer, John 17: 20-23
“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— 23 I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me”.